If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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