when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
