I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
i out mim tonsoeep
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