btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
