Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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