My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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