Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
