im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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