Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
