ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
