So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
You have to summon your inner elephant
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
