Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
We left the knife in your bed.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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