Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
