I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
