Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
