I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
i've created a new STD.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
its liver damage thursday
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
