This dress was meant to end up on your floor
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
