We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
