I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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