I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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