hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
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