so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
