Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
