She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
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