Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
