Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is an emotional support booty call
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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