Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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