Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
