Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
