is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
