Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
