in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
