if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
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i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
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Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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