Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
