Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
