did you get engaged???
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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