I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Randomize
