fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
