I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
