My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
