Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Randomize
