I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
