I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize