We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
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