I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
