They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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