my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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