It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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