unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
