Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize
