i wish starbucks made bloody marys
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
