going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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