help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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