During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
