I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
