hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I got inside last night via doggy door
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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