Please, let me fuck your mom
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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