I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
she looked like the before picture.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
