he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
