Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
