if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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