why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
