so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
i drank out of a bidet.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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