Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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