While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
