Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
