3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
